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There is depressed~

I would like some tidbits of advice, if possible.

How do I handle criticism? D: I mean, how do I bring myself to not get depressed over it?

I've always sucked at taking constructive criticism well, and I have lost so many friendships over it that I can't even wish it was funny. D: I just wanted to know, though, if it is possible for me to get over myself long enough to listen to another person's help.

God I just want to cry right now. D:

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
nochick_fics
Jul. 25th, 2009 06:55 pm (UTC)
:( *hugs*

Aw, sweetie. I am unfortunately probably the worst person to give advice about this (don't get me started about critiquing and such, lol). But what I do want to say to you is that if you are content with what you do, then you shouldn't let critique- constructive or otherwise- get to you, not to the point where it's destroying friendships. Because it's only words, babe. Words. SO not worth fretting or losing friends over.

I *would* suggest that you don't solicit constructive criticism until you think you are able to handle it. And if someone gives you UNsolicited critique, you could always do what I do: thank them from the bottom of your heart and kindly remind them that you don't care. (I'm such a bitch, lol >.<)

But seriously though, I hate to see anyone troubled over fic, so I felt compelled to respond, even if I'm not really all that much help.

Good luck.

~xoxo
paranoia_pistol
Jul. 25th, 2009 07:38 pm (UTC)
But, you helped. :D You're better at this advice thing than you thought, miss. :D

Thank you~ I don't actually ask for reviews, because that's just asking to get criticized. D: But! This has actually been an eye-opening experience, as I feel a lot better and I probably won't get sad next time someone tells me that I "might" be a good writer if I didn't do blah or blah.

That was really the main part that got me--the fact that someone who doesn't write that well themselves said that I "might" be worth something in the future. But, I replied that it was okay because I'm already a kickass writer, but thank you for telling me. Lol, it looks like I'm taking your advice without even realizing it.

Thank you muchly~

Btw, ILU SO HARD FOR THAT FIC.

I did a backflip when I checked my inbox.

In joy.
nochick_fics
Jul. 29th, 2009 06:32 am (UTC)
That makes me happy to hear. I'm glad you like it. <3
sesshy_is_sexii
Jul. 25th, 2009 07:15 pm (UTC)
I'm probably going to go on and on and I apologize for that but here's my best attempt at helping you out hon >_>;

For some people, when they do something they can be satisfied with the fact that they did do it, completed whatever they set out to do and that’s that. And while that’s all and good sometimes it’s much nicer to hear someone else’s opinion and hopefully you’ll hear good things. Why do a large majority of people share their work (whether it is fiction, art, music, etc)? We like praise, even if it’s not a goal, it’s certainly nice. And the hope when feedback is requested is once you’ve read/heard what was given to you you’ll be happy and not want to punch someone in the face/get depressed.

In terms of asking, feedback gives openings for criticism. Now, sometimes constructive criticism is hard to take, no matter how polite or sugar coated it may be (or blunt, pending on the person/situation). You said constructive criticism upsets you? It might nor have an effect over night but I think the main you should remember is: they’re trying to help you. In your work they see good and potential and they want you to be able to take that potential and make your story even better. Sometimes this involves them saying that an idea or device you used wasn’t used correctly or you did something wrong or you should have done this. And it’s not always nice to hear that something you liked or you thought you knew about is wrong because, it’s your work. If we’re talking fiction, it’s almost like a representation of you and your skill.

But sometimes you have to take some blows along the way because in order to do better or feel better, you have to see what needs improvement. In some cases were all our worst critics and in others, we’re blind to our biggest problems and consistently refuse to see them (everybody’s got an ego, no matter how big and small after all >->b).

I think instead of feeling targeted or annoyed when you receive constructive criticism you should take a breath, remember that it isn’t an attack, that their eyes aren’t yours and most importantly, they help push you a step or two back into another reality where you learn to look more objectively and open your mind other possibilities.

Is all constructive criticism right? Nope, even if you think on it you still might not agree or think it applies. And that’s totally okay too. Critic on yourself is always hard to bare but if you keep in mind they have your best interests at heart in the end, you’ll slowly feel more better and more willing to face it.

Now. If criticism comes from someone who does not have your best interests in heart/is mean spirited and wants to land a blow? Fuck ‘em, those are the people you never worry about ♥

….and I hope that helped xD;;
paranoia_pistol
Jul. 25th, 2009 07:31 pm (UTC)
I, I think I love you. :)

As impossible as I once thought it was, I can actually think beyond what I feel and think about what they're trying to tell me--as annoyed as I feel. :D On the other hand, I don't ask for reviews, because by asking for reviews I'm virtually asking for criticism, which is obviously something I'm no good with.

Yet, I might have to start asking for more criticism--I may write for myself, but sometimes it feels like someone might like what I'm thinking too. :D It might be awesome to be a better writer for another's sake as well. :D

Of course, I will say "Fuck you" if the criticism isn't constructive and they're just trying to say I suck. I'm comfortable with myself enough to know that I am actually an okay writer with a bad habit of violating dialogue.

I really really do love you. Really. :D Thank you so much~
sesshy_is_sexii
Jul. 25th, 2009 07:41 pm (UTC)
Aw, anytime ♥

I'm glad I could help, and I'm glad you said that. Nothing's impossible if you don't let it be, and I'm sure you'll do just fine. Criticism can be a rough rode to travel on but the further along you go the smoother the ride and oh god, I ended up breaking out a metaphor anyway xD;;

I love you too ♥
ihatesasuke
Jul. 31st, 2009 05:33 am (UTC)
Someone giving constructive criticism to you? Of all people, you?
Well, that just shakes my boat a bit considering how much better you are at writing than I am. xD

I'm probably not the best at giving advice, but I'd say just to take it as them trying to help (as long as they are being nice about it) and even if you disagree thank them for the help. It can definitely be hard to take critiquing, but you know at the end of the day if you like it, then that's something that's really important. Everyone has certain points that they can improve on, I mean, there really is no perfect writer. It's just not going to happen.

You also have to remember people's opinions are based on their tastes. For instance, while many people adore Twilight and think it's just the best thing ever, others completely disagree.
Everyone has their own preference, and what one person may think would make your writing better, another may disagree and think what you're currently doing is just fine.

Like I said, the most important thing is for you to be happy with your fic. Besides, everyone learns a little more after writing, whether they realize it or not. =]

I'm not sure if it will make you feel any better, but just so you know you're one of my favorite fic writers ever, and I've only read one of your fics so far. :D
So whatever anyone says, I really hope you keep writing, and remember that at least one person out there absolutely loves your writing(Me~). :DDD

Anyhow, hopefully that made you feel a little bit better about it and possibly even helped you.
I know I'm not very good with words, so I'm really sorry if I made you feel worse, totally not my intention! >____<;;
There's been times where people thought I was saying the exact opposite of what I meant...D:
Again, I'm very sorry if that's the case!

....And I feel like I should apologize for bringing Twilight of all things into the discussion. Dx
tisblissy
Aug. 1st, 2009 05:17 am (UTC)
Well you don't know me, and I pretty much clicked on your lj out of curiosity, but the very first thing I saw was this post.
And I'm not sure why but I really feel that I just need to comment on it (which is weird for me because I'm usually one to keep quiet).

What I really want you to know is that there are many different people in this world. Each of these people has his or her own view on things. Each has an individual view on life, on death, on a book or a movie or a person. What is somebody's perfect could be somebody else's nightmare. No matter what, there will never be a way to please everyone.

So of course, sometimes in life you'll come across a person who will speak up about what they dislike. And when this does happen, there's not much you can really do. Some people will honestly not care what others think. They'll blow it off and keep living their lives. Others may put on a tough face and try to get themselves to suck it up, even when it hurts. There are even some who will take every word straight to heart and dwell and hang on it for days.

From experience, there's just not much that can be done. People are people, and they'll say what they want to. So how can you just make the pain stop? Well you might not be able to, but there a few things that can really help me when I get down over other people.

First of all, remember that a person is often completely oblivious to just how badly their words can hurt. And soon after they'll probably forget about them. So why waste your time over a person's BS when you can be out doing things for yourself? Don't let them haters get ya down ;)

And let's just say you just can't shake a really nasty comment. Well try to get your mind off it. I recommend grabbing a blanket and a movie and making some popcorn. Just get relaxed. Or if you need more of a pick me up, call a friend and go out for lunch or dinner. Soon enough, the criticism won't even matter to you. You've got your own stuff to deal with, just because you're not perfect to someone else, you have to change for them? Nuh-uh. You know to be your own person, too bad for anyone who has a problem with that.

You just know that you have got A LOT going for you and that ten years from now, you won't even remember the comments you had received.

And to close I must apologize for the hideously long comment as well as any grammatical/spelling errors in it. It's late where I am and I am completely pooped.
In fact my bed's pretty much singing my name and it's the best damn sound I've ever heard.
So nighty night, sweetie, don't let the bed bugs bite <3
freakingcage7
Aug. 23rd, 2009 11:02 pm (UTC)
I'll help as best as I can, but even the best of intentions can bring harm.

Criticism in general is no road to skip down. It sucks hearing 'It's not good enough', because you know what? You just put your heart and soul in that, or at least your time, your energy, your thought, and it all comes to a bellyflop when one person says, 'Yeah, it didn't do it for me'.

So one suggestion: Don't feel like you should be 'happy' about criticism. If anything, it's a good sign that you don't, because it has a high chance that you have a good self-esteem.

However, as you have mentioned that you get to the point of extreme moods over criticism, such as depression or intense anger, I'd like to give any advice that might be helpful.

I don't know if you can be at all specific, but think on your first thoughts after listening to critiques. Is it, 'Fuck you, I'm better than you', 'You just don't understand', or, 'My God, do I really suck that bad?'

The 'You don't understand' (or along those lines): Congratulations, this is the easiest to get passed (in my opinion anyways). Differing mindsets might be all that it is, a liking in different preference is natural given the 6 billion different personalities on this earth--they can't all be in harmony (Anglo Saxons v. Bushmen anybody?). Bitchy people are the obvious to tell apart, so ignore them. Just IGNORE them. That's it. Anything that seems sincere however, take it in stride and move on. Try not to complicate it. Don't feel it's personal, it's only another opinion, you are free to agree or disagree. Take the other person out of the equation, it is only OPINIONS that are differing. You can accept or deny their advice, and that's that. No harm done.

The 'God I must suck': A tad more difficult, but normal just the same. You're in high school yes? You'll get over this in a few years, but for the time being, focus on three things that you like in yourself, and carry those with you, and improve on them. You don't suck, you have plenty of talent, and remember that by succeeding for yourself. Don't hate yourself for anything you do/don't do, just grow from it. So if you feel like you don't deserve to walk the earth after you get some criticism, have some ice cream, wallow for 30 minutes, and then do something productive. (Read a book, make a birdhouse, something you know you'll succeed in. Basically, make yourself feel BETTER).

The 'Who do you think you are?/ I'm better than you': I suffer from this. LOTS of people suffer from this. What it means?: Tom Cruise, you've got yourself an ego. A BIG one. This will take a long time to get over, because over the years, your ego will crumble, bit after bit of sucky events. And you know what? It'll suck. It'll hurt every time, but you will GET OVER IT. Why? Because you're BETTER than not to. Understand? You're better than having to wallow and cry over someone you don't even know. Use your ego and harness it toward the greater good. This is by no means the diet pill of advice, this is the long-term steady diet and exercise advice. (Even I, the demi-God of this world have not perfected it).

In general, take in the comments. After a few weeks, months, maybe longer, it will sink in, and it will help. But give yourself time. Punch a few walls, but try not to simmer. Anyone who leaves a review who wants to make you feel BAD has issues and is to be pitied, and generally, is not worth your time. But everyone else would never want to have anyone so distraught, when they were only wanting to help.

If my advice doesn't help, that's okay. I'm one person with one (slightly) imperfect view. You'll get the support you need eventually, but give it some time. Patience is a virtue (even if it is the one you kind of wish would die alone and decrepit, and found a week after dying on the kitchen floor being eaten by their own cat).

And the friend thing, just remember: they are your friends. Anything else isn't important. They are friends, and friends are meant to be kept.
renkuroi
Aug. 25th, 2009 12:00 pm (UTC)
Hi, I read your stuff on FF.net. I love you btw
And was checking out your profile and got your LJ link.
nice to meet you.

I used to get lots of constructive criticism from my BFF about my stories. And I used to take it badly even though I knew this stuff could really help me.
But later on, I went a bit more public and started sharing my stuff with more people. Ended up getting more criticism. Got a bit sad, and said stuff about not being happy with criticism. After going around and wallowing in self pity for a while, I realized something:
Telling others you don't handle criticism is not gonna help. >(

You don't have to look at how mean/rude/cruel/'im-so-bored-out-that-im-shitting' people are being. You just have to read and see what it is actually behind the words...It's like a riddle.

Most people who give constructive criticism are actually only trying to help you. (everyone knows *rolls eyes*).

If that person is actually giving you constructive criticism, ignore the rude words. be the Master Of Denial, pick up only the useful info. That's what i do anyway.

But flames..well, kick THAT PERSON'S ASS!

Hope that helps.

Be the Master Of Denial.





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